Vaidya Kumar is in New York City and see a Zen master step up to the hot dog cart and say, “Make me one with everything.”
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
“Where’s my change?” asks the Zen master. The hot dog vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”
Vaidya Kumar hears this story from a retired Buddhist monk:
A young man concludes that the religious life is for him. Accordingly he joins an order with a strict vow of silence. There is one exception to the rule however. Every ten years each monk is allowed to speak three words but the allotted words may be spoken only to the abbot.
Ten years pass. Our friend dutifully enters the abbot’s cell and speaks his three words. He says, “Bed is hard.”
Ten more years pass. He again enters the cell of the abbot and says, “Food is tasteless.”
His time to speak his three words comes round again after ten more years. He enters the Superior’s cell and says, “I am leaving.”
Indignantly the abbot replies, “Well I’m not surprised. You’ve been here thirty years and all you’ve done is complain.”
Vaidya Kumar is walking home at night and hears three nuns talking on the corner while they are collecting money for the Church. Across the street there happened to be the local whore house. They happened to notice that Pastor Jones of the Protestant community sneaking into the place and one of the nuns whispered to the others, “If only his flock knew he was going into a wicked place to commit sin…they would be outraged!”
A bit later, Rabbi Rabinowitz was seen sneaking in and the nun said to her sisters, “If only the Jewish community knew their Rabbi was in there committing sin with wicked women, they would be outraged!”
Vaidya Kumar is intrigued and stays around for a few more minutes. Just then Father Flannigan was observed by them sneaking into the same whore house. “Oh dear,” exclaimed the nun, “someone must be very sick in there for them to call the dear Father out at this late hour.”
Vaidya Kumar is studying emergency procedures in a New York hospital when a woman is brought in with a heart attack. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”
Upon her recovery, she told Vaidya Kumar about the experience. He suggested she stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. Maybe even dye her hair. Vaidya Kumar figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.
The woman walked out of the hospital lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”
God replied, “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you!”
Vaidya Kumar was visiting Tommy O’Connor. Tommy needed to go to confession so Vaidya Kumar waited outside the church. Once in the confession Tommy said, “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
“What have you done Tommy O’Connor?”
“I had sex with a girl.”
“Who was it, Tommy?”
“I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin.”
“Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?”
“No father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot
tell you who it was.”
“Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?” “No father, please
forgive me for my sin.”
“Well then it has to be, Sarah Martha O’Keefe.”
“No father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it
“Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary’s and 4 Our Fathers and
you will be abolished of your sin.”
So Tommy walked out to the pews where Vaidya Kumar
“What did you get?” asked Vaidya Kumar.
“Well I got 5 hail Mary’s, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads.”
Vaidya Kumar was visiting a priest at his house and when the priest realized that his rooster was missing. The priest decided to bring it up in Sunday Mass. Right before the sermon the Priest asked, “Who has a cock?” All of the men in the room stood up. The Priest said, “No, No, No. Who has seen a cock?” All of the women in the room stood up. The Priest said, “No, No, No. Who has seen MY COCK?” All of the nuns stood up.