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Home page > Vaidya Atreya Smith > Vaidya Kumar’s jokes for the end of the year

Vaidya Kumar’s jokes for the end of the year

Vaidya Kumar has been working too much these days, so he has taken some time out of his busy schedule to share some of his favorite jokes with us!
Remember, laughter is the best medicine!

Car Problem
One day, Vaidya Kumar was driving a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer to work in their car pool when the car broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it’s not getting enough gas."

The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something’s wrong with the electrical system."

Vaidya Kumar turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in."

The Cannibal
Vaidya Kumar was in Africa walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a cannibal. Being very curious, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Tourist: $5.00
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked or Grilled Politician: $100.00

Vaidya Kumar called the waiter over and asked. Why such a price difference for the Politicians.

The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of crap, it takes all morning.”

Doctor’s Chat
Vaidya Kumar overheard a British doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor talking.

The British doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

Then the German doctor bragged, "That’s nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and almost immediately afterwards half the country was looking for work."

Pictures Are Naughty
The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal". The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. "Okay, boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?"

"I know, I know, it’s a cat!" yelled a little boy.

"Very good, Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?"

"That’s a dog!" piped up the same little boy.

"Right, again. And what about this animal?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

Silence fell over the class. After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I’ll give you a hint, children...it’s something you’re mother calls your father".

"I know, I know," screamed Eddie. It’s a horny bastard!"

Religion
One day Vaidya Kumar made the links between all religions on earth:

TAOISM: Shit happens.

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, “Shit happens”.

ZEN: What is the sound of shit happening?

JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it
really shit?

ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.

CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.

PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.

SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you’re on our shit list.

ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.

UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let’s have coffee and donuts.

RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.

JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?

MYSTICISM: What weird shit!

AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?

ATHEISM: I don’t believe this shit!

NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?

AZTEC: Cut out this shit!

QUAKER: Let’s not fight over this shit.

FORTEANISM: No shit??

12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.

VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!

NEW AGE: Visualize shit not happening.

DEISM: Shit just happens.

EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is.

SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.

BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.

SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.

HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.

WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!

HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.

THEOSOPHY: You don’t know half of the shit that happens.

DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before you were born.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.

JEHOVAH’s WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.

MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.

HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.

BAHA’I: It’s all the same shit.

STOICISM: This shit is good for me.

OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.

EST: If my shit bothers you, that’s your fault.

FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.

DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.

RASTAFARIANISM: Let’s smoke this shit.

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